Speedy Boarding

I used Easyjet recently for this first time in a couple of years. They have an option called Speedy Boarding which costs a small amount (11CHF/£4.50) and gives you priority boarding. Given the small amount, and the fact I hate flying and anything to ease the pain is worth paying for, I went for this option.

So I arrive at the airport, Geneva, where the automatic boarding pass machine works ok and head for the gate. The first thing that happens is the woman at the departure desk calls all the families with young children to assemble at the front where they will be get on first (and boy, there are a lot of them). Everyone else will be called in turn, groups A,B,C,D. I notice my boarding card says boarding group D. That doesn't sound like Speedy Boarding. While I'm pondering this, the loudspeaker chirps up again. "Mr Richard Tugwell? Mr Richard Tugwell? Mr Tugwell has paid for Speedy Boarding. and so will board the aircraft before everyone else. Mr Tugwell -please come to the front - yes, up here, right up in front of all these families with young children". Yes, it's true. I am the only person who has taken them up on the Speedy Boarding option.

Everyone else apparently enjoys the frisson of excitement generated by the usual "survival of the fittest" boarding procedures. I have to squeeze myself through the gaggle of young families, who all look at me rather pointedly. My face is getting redder and redder. Once on I scuttle off to the very back. I know all those young families are going to occupy the front rows, so at least that's going to be some compensation. I start hoping the plane will crash to save me similar embarassment on the return trip.